Forgive for Good
Based on scientific research, this groundbreaking study from the frontiers of psychology and medicine offers startling new insight into the healing powers and medical benefits of forgiveness. Through vivid examples (including his work with victims from both sides of Northern Ireland’s civil war), Dr. Fred Luskin offers a proven nine-step forgiveness method that makes it possible to move beyond being a victim to a life of improved health and contentment.
User Ratings and Reviews
5 Stars Forgive and let go
I read this book about 2 years ago when I felt I needed to forgive and let go. I recently picked it up again simply because I stumbled on it, and felt I should give a review. This book pulled me over the line and helped me see a situation crystal clear. It helped me to say “no more” to a controlling and probably mentally abusive friendship of 20 years. A friend I simply loved without conditions. This book helped me to realize my power and reminded me to focus on the beauty that was all around me.
“it is a choice to forgive or not forgive” - and in the long run we all determine what road we want to walk - what thoughts we choose to nurture, to grow and bloom. I love the quote “hurt and anger are meant to be FLEATING emotions, not permanent fixtures”.
I am filled with so much gratitude for the loving times shared - and in the end, realization that is was simply time to let go and move on.
I’ve practiced Buddhist teachings for years and “Forgive for Good” follows the path of living in the present vs the past. I could relate well with this book - The very core of Buddhism is watching our thoughts - be aware of what we are thinking and to not let our thoughts control our lives. We learn to be aware of our patterns and stop blaming others for our lives, for our thoughts and feelings. Anger is not a bad thing, it’s when we weave our anger/hurt into a storyline and hang on to it for weeks, months and years that it becomes an issue.
This is what destroys relationships. Taking an event personally and weaving a story line around it, hanging on for years to that “victim” story line. “Taking event personally we miss the opportunity to transform our hurt/anger into something that helps us to grow ! ”
There is so much beauty and love in the world - why “make negative situations more important than positive ones? ” -
I plan to re-read “Forgive For Good” - not because I need to forgive, but because it is filled with so much more -
5 Stars Life Changing Insights
This book offers insights that can improve life for anyone who is willing to consider a different way of thinking. Individuals who devote time and energy to anger and bitterness stemming from the actions of others are offered a different response to people in their lives. This isn’t about taking a pollyanna approach; it’s about being realistic about what you can control and what’s important to you. Forgiveness is about making your own life more enjoyable. Don’t deny yourself peace of mind because others fail to meet your expectations.
5 Stars Forgive for Good
This book is excellent for professional therapists or just the regular person. It is written in very clear language and easy to understand. It is a spectacular book and I recommend it to anyone interested in forgiveness.
2 Stars Underwhelming
This book contains a lot of commonsense advice on management of ordinary emotions. Most people probably knew how to do this by age 5 but for those who did not learn or have good role models the methods described might be useful. What’s annoying about the book is that the author presents “his” work as an original, unprecedented, and inspirational work of genius which should evoke awe in the reader when in fact it’s a rehash of ideas and methods which have been around for decades. For instance his “unenforceable rules” are nothing but new nomenclature for Albert Ellis’ “irrational beliefs” from Ellis’ pioneering cognitive behavioral work some fifty years ago. Similarly the use of deep, relaxed breathing for calming and relaxation goes back thousands of years. Now there is nothing wrong with putting old ideas to good use but to do so without so much as a mention of the giants on whose shoulders one’s tiny contribution rests is a blatantly misleading form of self aggrandizement that I find highly offensive. Read it if you must but be prepared to hold your nose. In the end perhaps the greatest reward of having read the book was that it made it easier for me to forgive the author for having written it in the first place.
1 Stars Promises, Promises
Dr. Luskin should have heeded the old salesman warning: if you build up your product to be the greatest invention since the wheel, you really should be able to back it up. He gives a great many examples of situations that call for forgiveness, from the trivial (social carelessness) to the profound (the murder of a child), and promises us repeatedly that he will teach us how to forgive, if you just keep on reading.
But when he arrives at the actual techniques, they are almost certainly what the reader already knows: take deep breaths, think lovely thoughts, set positive goals for the future. While effective in stressful situations,these techniques are inadequate for an issue as serious as forgiveness of profound and life-changing injuries.
His warnings that life is filled with hurtful situations that we share with millions of other people are worth taking seriously. So too, is his outline of ‘unenforceable rules’ (such as expecting safe behavior from other drivers) and how expecting a certain outcome will set us up for disappointment. But his technique of PERT (Positive Emotion Reinforcement Therapy, which is essentially ‘think lovely thoughts’), and HEAL (in which you had ‘hoped’ for a childhood in which you were not abused, but ‘accept’ that these things do happen) are band-aids on a gaping wound for clients with major trauma issues. These techniques are no substitute for genuine therapeutic work, which takes far longer than reading this book.
Dr. Luskin also appears to have borrowed from some of the earlier pioneers in this field, such as Dr. Edith Stauffer, especially in his HEAL technique–but there is no bibliography, and nowhere is Dr. Stauffer given credit. In one of his other books on stress management, Dr. Luskin stated that he “coined the term Life-Skills,” but this term has been around since the 1970s, pioneered by ground-breaking therapists like Jill Raiguel and Sharon Wegscheider. This lack of credit-where-credit-is-due approach compromises the credibility of the book.
Dr. Luskin’s ego is intrusive. If the editor had removed the word “I”, the book would be half its length. The author is clearly a dedicated clinician, and his actual workshops may be far more effective than this book, but as a therapeutic tool it is inadequate.
Filed under: Personal Development Book Reviews