The Pursuit of Perfect
DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE PERFECT? We’re all laboring under our own and society’s expectations to be perfect in every way-to look younger, to make more money, to be happy all the time. But according to Tal Ben-Shahar, the New York Times bestselling author of Happier, the pursuit of perfect may actually be the number-one internal obstacle to finding happiness. OR DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY? Applying cutting-edge research in the field of positive psychology-the scientific principles taught in his wildly popular course at Harvard University-Ben-Shahar takes us off the impossible pursuit of perfection and directs us to the way to happiness, richness, and true fulfillment. He shows us the freedom derived from not trying to do it all right all the time and the real lessons that failure and painful emotions can teach us. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE PERFECTLY HAPPY! In The Pursuit of Perfect, Tal Ben-Shahar offers an optimal way of thinking about failure and success–and the very way we live. He provides exercises for self reflection, meditations, and Time-Ins to help you rediscover what you really want out of life. Praise for Tal Ben-Shahar’s Happier: This fine book shimmers with a rare brand of good sense that is embedded in scientific knowledge about how to increase happiness. It is easy to see how this is the backbone of the most popular course at Harvard today. Martin E. P. Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness.
User Ratings and Reviews
4 Stars Don’t Be Fooled By The Title
It’s easy to look at the title and think this is one of those “I’m okay, you’re okay” sort of books. NOT the case!
Shahhar makes a compelling case that the enemy is not “perfection”, but the attitude of “perfectionism,” which robs accomplishment of its joy and always leads to dissatisfaction. The “perfect life” is attainable if you hang on to your Visions and keep a sense of balance and perspective in life.
Stylistically, this gets redundant at points. But the argument is compelling enough to be worth reiterating, even if the prose is repetitive.
5 Stars The best book ever!
I have been amazed with this book! Finally I find a book, that tells about me! My problems, that I have not been able to identify before this good. This is an excellent book, and it is very useful also to those, who don’t consider themselves to be perfectionists. We all are, in some ways, I think. It is also a very important book to all parents - do not make your kids unhappy perfectionists - even when you only mean good! This book is starting to change my life in profound way. Read it!
2 Stars Review of Audiobook
I think that the author’s advice to try to be an ‘optimalist’ rather than a ‘perfectionist’ is wise and helpful. Perfectionism can indeed make you miserable. If I had read the book instead of listened to it, I probably would have rated it with 3 or 4 stars.
I can’t give this CD set a good review, however. In general, I have trouble appreciating audio books, and this one is no exception. The author’s ideas merit pondering, and it’s difficult to ponder while listening to a book being read. You could pause the CD and ‘ponder’ but that doesn’t come naturally to me, And of course the index, notes, and excellent bibliography are missing.
The main problem with the CD version is, however, the reader. His voice is didactic, and he takes the opportunity to sound snide and sarcastic whenever he can fit it in. I’ve looked at the book itself, and find the author’s writing ‘personality’ to be gentle and humorous, but this didn’t come across at all. I can’t help but wish that Mr. Ben-Shahar had read the book himself. As a Harvard professor, he’s probably an accomplished lecturer.
3 Stars Good message ~ but all that repetition?
While the advice contained in this book is helpful, I have to ask myself did I need to read so much of this to get the message? The answer quite simply is “no”. Having make the point that striving for perfection essentially leads only to low self esteem when we inevitably fail, there is not really a lot more that can be said, yet Ben-Sharah manages to take over 250 pages proving it.
Yes, it contains proof, and exercises to help the afflicted, but it all come down to that first simple statement. But I very soon became impatient with what I was reading, not to mention extremely irritated at the constant interchange between “he” and “she” in the examples; pointless political correctness that simple gets in the way.
I don’t think I really needed to plough through all that tautologous writing to get the point. I could go on, but then the same accusation could be levelled at me!
5 Stars Highly recommended
You don’t need to be a perfectionist to learn something valuable from this book.
I highly recommend Tal’s “The Pursuit of Perfect”, whether you’re a perfectionist or not. He interweaves his wealth of knowledge of well-researched concepts with compelling personal experiences. The result is a very readable analysis of the dangers of perfectionism and an outline of a healthier alternative that he calls “optimalism.”
The central idea is that being an optimalist is adaptive and healthy. Tal draws a link between healthy optimalism and the goal of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning.
In his book, he refers to a continuum. At one end we have the extreme perfectionists who reject reality, failure (and success) and painful emotions, and are rarely satisfied. At the other end of the continuum are the optimalists who accept the realities of being human and the inevitable, mixed results that come with purposeful action. They’ve learned to appreciate “good enough.”. There are shades of grey between these extremes on the continuum.
Throughout the book, in addition to research and information, Tal’s practical “Time In” exercises, reflections, and meditations help the reader lessen the grip of perfectionism. Tal does not set up unrealistic expectations. No quick fix, no silver bullets. It takes time, hard work and regular practice. This book reminds us to allow ourselves to have a good enough life and to give ourselves permission to be human. So begins the journey of moving towards optimalism, and to a place of peace, satisfaction, and happiness.
Filed under: Personal Development Book Reviews